How to confuse a background character
by thatdamfangirl23
Summary: In which a new guard in Camelot gets very confused when he meets the Prince's manservant and decides that everyone in Camelot is blind.


****This is based on a comic I saw a while ago and it was ridiculously fun to write. Enjoy the confusion this poor new guard goes through.****

****Disclaimer: Merlin is not owned by me. I promise.****

The Camelot guards were some of the best in the five kingdoms. It was a well known fact that Uther liked to boast of when some visiting king dined with him while they rolled their eyes and glared at their own guards.

They stood to attention as the prince sauntered through the town like a silent panther. A silent panther with a very loud manservant who sort of ruined the whole effect. It was most annoying.

The current guard on duty was new to the job; he had arrived at Camelot only three days ago and he was very confused. He had heard extraordinary things about the Camelot guards. He had heard that nothing could faze them; nothing could make them leave their post. They were supposed to be completely silent and completely incredible. He had been training his whole life to become one of these legends.

This was why he didn't understand why two of them were engaged in friendly conversation with the prince's manservant who was telling them about Arthur's most recent idiotic action – chucking a goblet at his head this morning. Merlin was most put out about the whole thing and the guard was laughing and rolling his eyes at the prince who stood in the corner pouting. The new guard couldn't believe it.

The next day, he saw the prince's manservant again. Sneaking out. In the dead of night. Climbing down the city walls.  
"Stop!" he shouted, drawing his dagger and rushing towards where the boy was currently lying after falling off the wall.

"Ughh." The boy groaned. "Do you mind?"

"Excuse me?" he asked.

"I'm trying to surreptitiously sneak around here, and you're pointing that dagger at me in a very threatening manner. I'm offended!"

"In the name of Camelot, surrender any weapons and follow me to the dungeons. The king will be told about this." He told him in his sternest voice, trying to stop his legs from quivering – this was his first criminal after all.

"Really?" the boy said, raising an eyebrow. "Do you have to tell him? It would be such an inconvenience. I do hate to lie to the king you know."

"Surrender your weapons."

"Do I know you?" the boy asked suddenly. "You're new aren't you? I'm Merlin – Arthur's personal slave who does everything for that prat. I tell you, he's such a dollophead! This morning, the bath water was too cold for him and do you know what he did? He made me trudge all the way back to the kitchens and do it all again. Those buckets are heavy! And do I ever get a bath? No sir! I have to bathe in the river like everyone else in this kingdom. Those royals think they're so much better than us normal people and don't get me started on…"

"Sir, you're going to have to come with me." The guard said.

"I'm talking!" Merlin gasped. "That was very rude. Almost as rude as Arthur yesterday. Guess what he said to me? He was…"

Merlin stopped because the guard had clamped handcuffs around his wrists and glared at him in the most interesting way – the glare managed to convey about ten emotions at the same time and the guard gulped. "You are very rude, you know." The boy said. "Honestly, guards these days."

He sighed, drawing out the moment and exaggerating it way too much. "Do you mind if I get out of these?" he asked. "Gaius wants me back at a decent time and I've already wasted too long here."

Before the guard could say a thing, Merlin had somehow got himself out of the chains, and was it him, or was that a flash of gold in his eyes.

"Thanks." He smiled. "See you in the morning when Arthur will inevitably do something stupid."

"Wait!"

"Bye!"

Needless to say, the guard, whose name is not really important enough for us to know, but who, for the purposes of convenience will be called the classic medieval name of Steve, was very confused.

Steve turned round and walked calmly back to his post while his brain screamed and kicked inside his head.

The next day, Steve was on duty again and was trying really really hard to forget the events of the night before when, what do you know, Merlin came by again. This time, he was with an old man who Steve could assume was the court physician Gaius. Steve knew this because Merlin was saying the name over and over again, complaining about something.

"But Gaius!" he groaned.

"No Merlin. You were much too risky last night. What if someone had seen your magic? You know magic is illegal in Camelot, Merlin. How could you be so stupid? Magic is a gift that you must hide! You can't use your magic in Camelot!"

"But Gaius, it was just a small spell."

"You enchanted Arthur's bathwater! He could have noticed!"

"Arthur is completely oblivious. " Merlin pointed out. "And a clotpole." He raised his hand and gestured lazily towards a hay bale. It moved. It moved right over to the other side of the street. Merlin's eyes were bright golden.

Steve let out a strangled gasp.

"I could do that right in front of him and he wouldn't notice a thing."

"Merlin!" the physician was appalled.

"Sorry Gaius."

"You will be when you're clapped in irons."

"Gaius!"

Steve breathed out and rushed over to his colleague. "Did you hear that? The prince's manservant has magic, and the court physician knows! That's treason!"

"What?" the other guard asked. "Merlin? Magic? That's ridiculous."

"Didn't you hear what he said? He was going on and on about it – "

"Of course I heard. Merlin doesn't have magic." The man assured him. "I've known that boy for five years. I think I would have noticed if he had magic!" he shook his head and began to laugh. "The very notion is risible!"

"But the hay bale!" Steve protested. "He moved it. His eyes were gold!"

"Magic is illegal."

"I know that! I'm trying to help you catch a criminal here!"

"Look mate, you're new around here right?"

"Yes." Steve said. "I arrived a couple of days ago."

"Well, Merlin is the prince's manservant."

Steve scowled. "I know. I saw them in the market the other day. He insulted him."

"Merlin is Gaius' ward."

"I guessed that. Look, in the short time I've been here, that boy has broken about half a dozen laws. Why just yesterday evening, I saw him climbing down the wall and…"

The guard was howling with laughter now. "Merlin, climbing? Ha! As if. He's only the clumsiest person in Camelot. And he doesn't have magic."

"But…"

"I'm going to my next station now." He said. "Enjoy the rest of your shift."

He walked away and Steve was left there, ridiculously confused and incredulous. The next guard took the old one's place and he grinned at Steve. "Hey mate."

"Hi…"

"Oh hi Gordon!" someone else interrupted him. Merlin. "How you doing?"

"Good thanks, Merlin. Jill sends her regards."

"Say hi from me." He grinned. "Oh hi, you're that guy from last night. Good to see you again!"

"– Hello." Steve spluttered.

Merlin turned to the other guard again. "He'll try to tell you he saw me climbing the walls yesterday. Ignore him – he's not right in the head."

"You, doing something illegal? Not likely. See you later, Merlin."

"See you, Gordon."

As Merlin wandered off, followed by the physician shouting after him about being careful with his magic, Steve collapsed to the floor.

This place was insane.

"Hey, you okay?" the guard asked, but Steve couldn't hear him. He could hear only the taunting laugh of Merlin as he chatted with one of the townspeople and listened to the gossip.

Five years and a lot of headaches later, Steve still didn't understand.

Poor Steve.

****Poor, poor Steve. He deserves a pay raise. ****


End file.
